things easier typed than said

you know my phone's code dont you.

i've decided to spend this one hour break alone. enough of the studying, enough of the drama. found a quiet corner in school, plugged in my earpiece, its just me in my own world.

10,20 years down the road, assuming you are still kicking and alive, who is going to become part of your life?

Spouse, probably, supposed you’ve managed to find your other half.

Children, perhaps, since you’re married and why not.

Parents, yes, after all family ties are never broken.

Friends? Not so sure.

Someone told me, why bother about your friends when its only a matter of time when their presence fades away from your life? You’ll probably dismiss this pessimistic and indifferent thinking, but I cant deny that there is in fact a minute sense of truth in it.

To be honest, I’ve lost quite a couple of friends along the way. Now that I come to think of it, why did I even feel so bothered about it? Its probably a matter of time when I gradually lose touch with them anyway. Sometimes, I get so tired of making the effort that I start questioning myself if they even give a shit.

Be clear of who is going to be with you at the finishing line; you realise that there actually aren’t many.

It was a moment of infatuation

Deep inside my imagination

Back to reality here I am

Clearing my mind like I planned

Now there could be someone new

So i ought to start anew

the little things

1. met my friend on the bus on the way to school! havent seen her for quite some time so we had a good chat. sometimes, you dont really have to see each other every other day, or hang out during the weekends. but when you meet the person, somehow you feel like you'd just met her yesterday; time has not diluted the friendship

2. made a new friend in german class today! cool girl.

3. (i believe) i did well for oral test! teacher kept showering us with compliments hehe

4. settled my train ticket from Amsterdam to Münster - at least i now know i wont be stranded alone.

5. lent my helping hand to you (:

before you close eyes and go to sleep, think of the little things that put a smile on your face. maybe your day wasnt that bad after all?

just my little attempt to catch up with optimism.

the weekend was tiring but fun!

recently, i regained my interests in mandopop (claire i hear you yay now haha). i'm glad that i didnt lose touch with the language. certainly, i couldnt write as well as i used to, but at least i make an effort to use it often. to me, mandarin is the tool i use to express myself, english is what i use to communicate with others. i used to love my higher chinese classes. our group was small, and our teacher never failed to spark off our interest for the language. i still remembered when she made us write a composition based on song lyrics of our choice. that was one of the rare times when we really enjoyed writing compositions; one of them even wrote an 8 page 散文 (Y)

okay i dont know why i said all that. probably just in the mood of reminiscing. thinking about the past, what i did, what i shouldnt have done, what should have been done. now its all not important already isnt it.

失而复得

that probably sums up the day. the thought of losing something/someone; has it occurred to you that it can actually happen any time? so cherish every moment you have now.

no, i didnt lose anyone. i nearly lost my laptop today.

i was studying at utown this evening, still happily teasing my friends (hehe) and complaining about the difficulty of the assignment, when i suddenly realised that my laptop was nowhere in sight. the first thought that came to our mind (shiya and i) was that wenjie took it (haha sorry we had to think it was a prank). after affirming that it wasnt a prank, it really dawned on me that - my laptop was missing - oh the horror. and so the drama begins.

i dashed straight back to the LT where i had my lecture from 4-6pm. damn the LT was cold, dark and spooky. plucked up my courage and began searching everywhere for my laptop, but it was to no avail.

approached the management office. asked the only lady (i wonder why she's still working alone, at 8pm) who was still in her office for a lost laptop. nope, she didnt give me a positive reply.

then i started to trace back my path. yes! i was in the deck before coming to utown! p.s. Deck is the arts canteen. so i rushed back to the deck to find that my laptop wasnt anywhere around the place that i wasmin the afternoon. i mean like duh, the probability of finding a laptop lying in the canteen is almost impossible. the human traffic is just too heavy for my laptop to be left there unnoticed.

yes! 2303 tutorial before that! so i went back to AS1 02-05. to my surprise the door wasnt locked and there was a group of students doing their discussion. went in, searched, again to no avail.

oh! my tutor might have seen it and took it along with her! and so i rushed to the PhD room. but she wasnt in, she was in a class so the other PhD students attended to us. somehow, they happen to know that she didnt find any laptop in the tutorial class. they didnt even allow me to write a note to her just in case she really was carrying my laptop. they just shoo-ed me off, damn what the heck is wrong with people from China.

and off i went to campus security. that was my last hope. i reached there, told the security that i lost a laptop and if anyone found it. he went over to the other side of the office, and tadah! he came back with my laptop in his hands.

i almost collapsed on the floor. from exhaustion. from relief.

the most coincidental thing was, i performed a first back-up for my laptop just last night! and i had to lose it the day after. what the heck man.

i asked for the particulars of the person who found my laptop. i just kept thanking him profusely.

and wenjie! thank you for your help! if you werent there, i probably would have died from a panic attack haha.

why do i keep troubling others, why. now that my laptop is back in my possession, i promise i will not replace you for a Macbook. well at least for the time being haha.

从前，有一名羞答答的男孩和一名大喇喇的女孩。他们成了好朋友，时常混在一起。上课时，男孩会在一个角落观察女孩，女孩偶尔也会转过头来，仿佛知道男孩在和她‘使眼色’。他们四目交接，男孩笑了，女孩也笑了。女孩不开心时，男孩一定陪她聊天。无论多晚，男孩都觉得这是值得的。当男孩心情不好时，女孩也会陪着他，为他打抱不平，让男孩觉得很无比幸福。男孩和女孩之间变得无所不谈。渐渐的，男孩喜欢上女孩。有一天，男孩决定向女孩表白。女孩傻眼，因为她一直都把男孩当做是她最好的朋友，从来没想要把他们的关系带到另一个阶段。

女孩渐渐疏远男孩，之后也找到了另一半。当男孩再度以朋友的身份联络女孩时，女孩却冷若冰霜。男孩心灰意冷，知道自己已失去了这段友谊。男孩开始后悔了，怨恨自己当初为什么要表白，为什么以为感情是如此的单纯。现在，他只想回到过去。当男孩伤心时，他会想到女孩。拿起手机，输入了女孩的号码，却怎么都没勇气按‘播’。

还记得女孩也非常喜欢《仙剑奇侠传》这部武侠偶像剧，常常会哼唱阿桑的《一直很安静》和片头曲S.H.E.的《一眼万年》。男孩最近常听到《一》，难怪他觉得十分耳熟。

男孩希望，有一天，当他在街上遇见女孩，他们仍能够彼此寒暄。

男孩只想祝福女孩。

这几天，男孩心情不好，好寂寞。

You Dont Know Me, You Dont Even Care

words hurt.

sometimes when you make a random comment about someone, you may not have realised the amount of damage you have inflicted on the person. to you, it may just be a passing remark; but do you really think the person perceives that as a joke like you meant to? think twice. because of this 'joke' that you made, the person thinks that HE is the joke instead. hah, funny isnt it.

no one understands this more than i do.

on the bright side, i didnt do badly for german! - sees the light. despite the comment my teacher wrote 'dogs can not fly'. hahaha she is so cute.

there was once in a physics exam when i was told to show that P = 1.50m, i got so fed up trying to prove it that amidst all the crap i scribbled, i just it ended off with 'therefore P=1.50m (shown)', y'know without actually proving it. And, i got full credit. damn i'm proud of myself.

like every other Monday, my german teacher would ask, "Was haben Sie am Wochenende gemacht (what have you done over the weekend)?" I want to say just so much, but my limited vocabulary is making me feel like a mute.

last weekend was well spent with awesome people (: havent had a nice weekend in a while, especially when i felt that happiness was so distant from me. i know, these happy moments are telling me that they're only short-lived, but its okay, i tell them i await their coming again.

夜深人静，我独自躺在草原上，晒着月光浴。我闭上双眼，只听见我的呼吸和风吹声，两者交叉， 仿佛吹奏起悦耳的乐曲。平静。

vielleicht ein Tag, du wirst mich lieben.

i'm amazed at how phone apps can do wonders to your sucky iphone camera.

this is going to be wayyy of out context but, i had roti prata on Saturday morning for breakfast and that cost me $9.60. No, i wasnt so hungry as to gobble down a mountain of pratas, merely three pieces namely plain, egg and onion. fucking scammed.

well i thought the comments section was sufficient, until...okay nvm, i added a tagboard. WENJIE YOU BETTER TAG AHHHH

an unexpected text popped up just minutes ago, and that made me very very touched. how hard is it to draft a simple text to make someone feel better? well easy as it seems, not many people will actually bother to do it. not my closest friends, not my family members, but a friend like you. that made my night, really.

sometimes little surprises happen and just remind you of how beautiful life is, how certain things are not worth vexing over.

anyways, Jones the Grocer for you. soaking into the atas vibe.

hey, thank you for tonight (:

我说，是因为有期待才有失望，还是有失望才失去了期待？

朋友认为，是先有期待然后才有失望

但，屡次的失望会磨灭怦然的期待，不是吗？

快乐就像气泡。刚形成时，在空中漂泊着，仿佛翩翩起舞，表现出它雀跃的情感。但，这喜悦不持久。不到一会儿，泡泡就被周围压力搓破。一切的快乐便烟消云散。

我们何尝不是活在短暂的幸福里？常常被周遭的人、事、物影响？如果只有我与世界，那快乐不就能持久？活出自我吧。

与你共勉之。

一个像男生的女生，一个像女生的男生，怎么却搭配得如此恰当，合作出如此动听的歌曲！

在害怕的時候，就連快樂都能提醒自己的傷痛；當充滿勇氣的時候，憂傷卻可以是一種調味品。脆弱的時候，需要一雙手、一股毫不懷疑的力量，來帶領你繼續走。（文/青峰）

anyways mid terms is over. half the marathon is completed, another half to go on. i'm not exactly satisfied with how i did for my papers, especially my german paper which i screwed up. well this is how it goes

i'm supposed to write a picture composition. so it sounds like an easy job, plus the picture is already there for you to see and what else can possibly go wrong right???

not when you interpret the picture wrongly. gosh this didnt even happen to me during primary school, why must i make this mistake only in University?!?!

this was how the correct story was supposed to go. (in english of course)

Mary cycled in the park. Suddenly, a dog dashed into her path. She stopped the bike abruptly and fell. She continued her journey afterwards. When she reached home, she realised she lost her keys due to her fall. She then called her (presumably) husband to ask for the key. They (somehow) ended up having coffee together.

BUT my story went..

Mary cycled in the park. Suddenly, a dog dashed into her path. She stopped the bike abruptly and fell. She continued her journey afterwards. When she reached home, she decided to call her friend and bitch to her about the incident (okay maybe not the bitching part). They ended up having coffee together while she continued to bitch about the dog (no pun intended).

See how different my story went?! All because I failed to see the key that fell out of her pocket. Why didnt i see it?! I bet my Deutschlehrerin will be laughing her ass off when she reads my story, which was 50% different from what was shown in the picture.

And i suppose there goes the paper. Plus the paper was so easy that i bet everyone aced it. Time to S/U german.

Then today, i realise, just a few minutes before the paper began, that the MCQ paper has negative marking. totally not mentally prepared. oh fml i shaded everything even though i couldnt do so many questions. i knew it, the lecturer looks like some typical perverse uncle who's out to kill students. oh no, maybe i shouldnt have said that.

okay sorry people, enough of the ranting. there again, no one would be reading this anyway.

anyway i have been making wrong decisions lately. fuck this shit. i feel so tired. maybe this weekend wouldnt be as good as expected.

regardless, ein Schönes Wochenende!

Heute ist der erste dritte. Ich schreibe das Tagebuch auf Deutsch.

Morgen habe ich einen Semestertest. Ich bin im Moment viel Stress. Ich will gut tun aber ich glaube der Test ist sehr schwer. Ich habe die Vokabel und Grammatik gelernt. Hoffentlich ist alles gut. Heute bin ich die Bibliothek gegangen und jetzt bin ich sehr müde. Es ist Viertel nach eins und ich muss schlafen gehen.

Ich freue mich diese Wochenende! Hehe.